On Going Blogless
That is how I feel.
Because I said two little words that changed my week.
I said, 'So what?'
That was Sunday morning. Sunday is a day I've personally decided will be computer-free. No blogging. Not even email.
On Sunday morning, before anyone else was up, this is what happened...
I flick on the computer. I love that little sound it makes when it's booting up. My heart speeds up a bit. I feel light. A thought comes, 'It's Sunday you know.' The thought is maybe from my own brain, no voice from the Universe or anything. Still, I reply as if to Someone. 'So what?' I say in my head. I check email. Flit to a few favorite blogs. Decide to start breakfast. Pick up a mug full of water and take it directly over the keyboard, which I NEVER do. I'm home free. Even stepping towards the kitchen now. I pause. Why? I tip the cup backwards, in a most awkward and unnatural movement. I am surprised. Bizarre, this thing I've done. And now I see it. Water all over the keyboard. I tip the computer, wipe it off. I go back on-line to check things out. The machine seems okay. I push the 'Off' button. Hours later, my spouse asks what is wrong with the computer. How can I say it could be just this.... I said two little words to Someone. 'So what...'
The rest of the week was the answer to my bold and unwise question of so what? This is so what, when we compromise our commitments... isolation, loneliness, ruin, inconvenience, cost.
I should have known this of course. I had just finished a talk I would deliver on Tuesday, called Stone Upon Stone (hat tip to Ted Gossard by the way, for the phrase 'praying through sin', which I used in the talk.) One verse I hadn't included in the talk but which fit the imagery was from Proverbs, 'A man without self-control is like a city without walls.' On Sunday, I chose to go wall-less. What was I thinking?
I should have known.
(On a lighter note, here is what came of going blogless: I read Coming Home to Your True Self: Leaving the Emptiness of False Attractions. A REALLY good book. I started Keeping House, another excellent book. I kept house. I lost weight. I started playing my guitar after 15 years. Not the best, but you can hear proof below. Going blogless was painful, but life offered good things in exchange.)
Riddle Song, sung (not well, but hey, I'm a writer not a singer : )
Riddle Song Lyrics, spoken
Abstract Sculpture photo, by L.L. Barkat. Taken in Washington, D.C.
Ted's book club Heron Road, suffering discussion