I Stole a Poem from a Word in the Comment Box
David said something about ticking. So the idea was stuck in my brain. I guess it tumbled out when I got to playing with words. Anyway, I must thank David for providing, unbeknownst to him, the beginning of my poem...
Instrumental
The grandfather clock is tick, tick, ticking
pretending I am still the girl with pixie curls
and a lilac dress, under the maple
that swung like the sea, like the sea
singing, "I will bring you home, child,
I will open a space in the rocks and bring you
home." It always felt like a harmony— the clock,
the sea, the maples swinging. It never felt like
what it was: the white metronome of years.
This poem is in honor of One Shot Wednesday.
Abstract Sun photo, by Sara. Used with permission.
Labels: One Stop Poetry, poetry
posted by L.L. Barkat at 8:00 AM
29 Comments:
Oh wow. this is beautiful.
I think the 'stole' should be
'birthed'!
Clock as metronome of life. I like that. And the sea bringing the girl home. Reminds of a story I just heard told by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Most magical, empowering story of a young lass who is flung into the sea by an old woman. The sea welcomes her, brings her to its depths where she meets another old woman who returns to her what was lost. Then the sea takes the girl home. I highly recommend The Dangerous Old Woman....
I left a link to my catalog poem for Random Acts of Poetry at High Calling.. but here it is again, for I was certain where you wanted us to post the..
http://hisfirefly.blogspot.com/2010/11/his-call-remains-same.html
Trying to write On, In and Around post as well.. but NaNoWriMo keeps calling...
Beautifully written, loved it :)
All the best
Marinela
..the clock,
the sea, the maples swinging...made me feel like dancing along in their rhythm..beautiful
I especially like this line: "the white metonome of years".
I also like the rhythmic sensation you create with "under the maple/that swung like the sea, like the sea/ singing".
Lovely.
My father-in-law used to repair and collect antique clocks. There was the grandfather clock, the cuckoo clock, the regulator--all kinds of clocks on 3 floors. The whole house tick ticked. And bonged or cuckooed every 15 minutes. We've since gotten rid of most of them because my husband couldn't keep up. We still have the grandfather, but it needs repair. I miss those sounds. So homey and secure.
the metronome I could never quite keep time with ...
Thanks for your poem.
Laura, my review of "God in the Yard" is now posted on my blog. I'll let you announce it and link it.
see
kngfishercrossing.blogspot.com
nice. love this...its got a wonderful sound to it...and i could feel all that was going on..swaying...nice one shot!
I like it. :)
oooh laura, this: the white metronome of years...
tick, tock... your poem is giving new rhythm to my day. stunning writing, friend.
This worked. It all comes together at the end completing the metaphor. Well written. Thanks
beautiful, oh the lilac dress, yes I had one...may the sea bring her heart home....bkm
Lovely. I like the way you roll it out, and then sum it back up again "the clock,
the sea, the maples swinging."
i like the movement
Tight interplay of images, inside and outside oriented. Good work.
Every poem starts as a seed. This one made quite a good plant of itself. Using ticking that way could be trite, but it isn't and works very well at setting the whole image up. Enjoyed it.
Great imagery, and the metronome of time....
Loved the ticking away of time by the grandfather clock
can sense that little girl swinging her curls
Nice poetry my friend
Hope all is well
Love how you brought all the rhythms together in a beautiful "harmony." I think of Zephaniah 3:17 where God, in His love for us, rejoices over us with singing, and how that song has its own rhythm, leading the others.
--a divine perspective on life!
Beautiful, L.L.
I liked it very much.. very beautiful.. thanks for sharing,..Lovely
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
I don't think you 'stole' anything, you were just inspired.
(But calling it stealing IS more fun!)
Excellent One Shot, L.L.!
i like the monotony rhythmic energy..got it in your lines.."the clock,
the sea, the maples swinging"
brilliant image here!
GREAT!
that had a lovely grace to it...but what a cool ending..the metronome of life....wonderful poetry..thanks for sharing pete
I love using clocks like this. They can be very powerful symbols. Great one shot! =3
In these moments, I am so happy that One Stop Poetry provides this service. This is a beautiful progression of words leading us from youth to adulthood. The poem has a melodic, lyrical quality that makes me want to read it repeatedly. Using the clock as a metronome for the passing of life is brilliant. Well done!
I enjoyed it so much, I read it a few times… I love the repetition, it reinforces the emotion well - almost like a lullaby to “bring you home“ and anchored by a great finish - “ the white metronome of time”
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