Tuesday, November 09, 2010

I Stole a Poem from a Word in the Comment Box

Girls Steal the Sun

David said something about ticking. So the idea was stuck in my brain. I guess it tumbled out when I got to playing with words. Anyway, I must thank David for providing, unbeknownst to him, the beginning of my poem...


The grandfather clock is tick, tick, ticking
pretending I am still the girl with pixie curls
and a lilac dress, under the maple
that swung like the sea, like the sea
singing, "I will bring you home, child,
I will open a space in the rocks and bring you
home." It always felt like a harmony— the clock,
the sea, the maples swinging. It never felt like
what it was: the white metronome of years.

This poem is in honor of One Shot Wednesday.

Abstract Sun photo, by Sara. Used with permission.

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Blogger Louise Gallagher said...

Oh wow. this is beautiful.

I think the 'stole' should be

9:26 AM  
Blogger Joelle said...

Clock as metronome of life. I like that. And the sea bringing the girl home. Reminds of a story I just heard told by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Most magical, empowering story of a young lass who is flung into the sea by an old woman. The sea welcomes her, brings her to its depths where she meets another old woman who returns to her what was lost. Then the sea takes the girl home. I highly recommend The Dangerous Old Woman....

10:15 AM  
Anonymous HisFireFly said...

I left a link to my catalog poem for Random Acts of Poetry at High Calling.. but here it is again, for I was certain where you wanted us to post the..


Trying to write On, In and Around post as well.. but NaNoWriMo keeps calling...

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Short Poems said...

Beautifully written, loved it :)
All the best

12:02 PM  
Blogger Claudia said...

..the clock,
the sea, the maples swinging...made me feel like dancing along in their rhythm..beautiful

12:29 PM  
Blogger Maureen said...

I especially like this line: "the white metonome of years".

I also like the rhythmic sensation you create with "under the maple/that swung like the sea, like the sea/ singing".


2:37 PM  
Anonymous Sandra Heska King said...

My father-in-law used to repair and collect antique clocks. There was the grandfather clock, the cuckoo clock, the regulator--all kinds of clocks on 3 floors. The whole house tick ticked. And bonged or cuckooed every 15 minutes. We've since gotten rid of most of them because my husband couldn't keep up. We still have the grandfather, but it needs repair. I miss those sounds. So homey and secure.

2:49 PM  
Blogger S. Etole said...

the metronome I could never quite keep time with ...

3:59 PM  
Anonymous kingfisher said...

Thanks for your poem.

Laura, my review of "God in the Yard" is now posted on my blog. I'll let you announce it and link it.


4:21 PM  
Blogger Brian Miller said...

nice. love this...its got a wonderful sound to it...and i could feel all that was going on..swaying...nice one shot!

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Dan Roloff said...

I like it. :)

5:30 PM  
Blogger Mommy Emily said...

oooh laura, this: the white metronome of years...

tick, tock... your poem is giving new rhythm to my day. stunning writing, friend.

6:22 PM  
Blogger Beachanny said...

This worked. It all comes together at the end completing the metaphor. Well written. Thanks

6:27 PM  
Blogger signed...bkm said...

beautiful, oh the lilac dress, yes I had one...may the sea bring her heart home....bkm

8:07 PM  
Blogger Ben Langhinrichs said...

Lovely. I like the way you roll it out, and then sum it back up again "the clock,
the sea, the maples swinging."

9:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like the movement

9:09 PM  
Blogger Steve Isaak said...

Tight interplay of images, inside and outside oriented. Good work.

9:43 PM  
Blogger hedgewitch said...

Every poem starts as a seed. This one made quite a good plant of itself. Using ticking that way could be trite, but it isn't and works very well at setting the whole image up. Enjoyed it.

10:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great imagery, and the metronome of time....

11:36 PM  
Blogger moondustwriter said...

Loved the ticking away of time by the grandfather clock
can sense that little girl swinging her curls

Nice poetry my friend

Hope all is well

2:08 AM  
Blogger Melissa Campbell said...

Love how you brought all the rhythms together in a beautiful "harmony." I think of Zephaniah 3:17 where God, in His love for us, rejoices over us with singing, and how that song has its own rhythm, leading the others.

--a divine perspective on life!

5:30 AM  
Blogger Glynn said...

Beautiful, L.L.

6:35 AM  
Blogger Shashidhar Sharma said...

I liked it very much.. very beautiful.. thanks for sharing,..Lovely

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

8:10 AM  
Blogger Bubba said...

I don't think you 'stole' anything, you were just inspired.

(But calling it stealing IS more fun!)

Excellent One Shot, L.L.!

10:53 AM  
Blogger Desert Rose said...

i like the monotony rhythmic energy..got it in your lines.."the clock,
the sea, the maples swinging"
brilliant image here!

11:16 AM  
Blogger Marshy said...

that had a lovely grace to it...but what a cool ending..the metronome of life....wonderful poetry..thanks for sharing pete

11:35 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I love using clocks like this. They can be very powerful symbols. Great one shot! =3

8:09 PM  
Blogger Ranee Dillon said...

In these moments, I am so happy that One Stop Poetry provides this service. This is a beautiful progression of words leading us from youth to adulthood. The poem has a melodic, lyrical quality that makes me want to read it repeatedly. Using the clock as a metronome for the passing of life is brilliant. Well done!

1:33 PM  
Blogger Helena Malheur said...

I enjoyed it so much, I read it a few times… I love the repetition, it reinforces the emotion well - almost like a lullaby to “bring you home“ and anchored by a great finish - “ the white metronome of time”

11:38 PM  

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